Sophia is hoping

杂文随笔 - 教养- by 蔡澜

2011-11-15T15:59:00.001Z

教养这一回事，人家都以为是出自名门才能得到，其实是一种普通常识，只要稍微注意，都可学到，和你的出身没有关系。

没有教养的人，是懒惰的人，不求上进的人，无可救药，一见大场面，即刻出丑，在外国旅行，被人歧视，也是活该的。

当今大机构聘请职员，最后的面试都在餐厅中进行。

主人家故意迟到，看你是不是一坐下来就先点菜不等别人。酗不酗酒？也即刻知道，忍不住的人一定先来一杯烈的。

菜上了，看你拿筷子，姿式正不正确倒没太大关系，那碟炸子鸡，你有没有乱翻之后才夹起一块，就决定了你的命运。

吃东西时，啧啧吃东西时，啧啧有声，更是个大忌。有教养的人哪里会做出这种丑态？吃就吃，为什么还要啧啧啧啧？

来源：(http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4726af530102durw.html) - 教养_蔡澜_新浪博客

父母没教你，那你的家庭也没教养。不过这是上一辈人的错，不能完全怪你。但是你出来社会混，连这一点小小的餐桌礼貌都学不会，派你去和对方的大公司兜生意，人家听到你啧啧啧啧，先讨厌了，一定谈不成。
有些时候，不必从餐桌看到，连面也不必见，听你的电话，已经知道。「等等吓！」你说。

管理阶层已皱眉头，为什么不会说请等一下？这个「请」字，难道那么难说出口？「是谁找他？」为什么不能是：「请问您是……？」

没有教养的女人，比没有教养的男人更加不能容忍，快去向苏州姑娘学习吧，她们每一句话都像是征求你的同意。即刻命令手下：「把那个东西拿来！」也会变成：「请你帮我把那东西拿来好不好？」
听到没有教养的人说话，总不当面指正。教养这一回事，是自发的，自己肯学，一定会，并非高科技。

Steve Jobs Speech To Graduates of Stanford University

2011-10-06T09:49:00.001+01:00

Steve Jobs Speech To Graduates of Stanford University

被傻逼的（转王朔随笔）

2011-09-14T20:12:00.001+01:00

京骂里最著名的大概就要算"傻逼"了，这话经北京球迷的奋力传播全国老少爷们儿也都会了，见了国安队就喊，当这是专用来形容北京人的。这也是制造恶心，最后早晚要自己把恶心吃了的例子。

这话当然是句糙话，事关女性生殖器，咱们这个古老的性交大国，语言中残留着大量性交崇拜的词句，爱恨情仇一律围绕下三路，一提这事，所有人的思维都倍儿活跃。傻逼这话还有一前半截儿，是定性的：--见鸡巴不躲。语言这东西还是有一种自我净化和去芜取菁的趋势的，下三路出来的词在使用过程中有些会逐渐登堂入室，譬如"仪态万方"原来是形容女子作爱在床的姿态，现在走在大街上也可以这么说了；譬如"扯淡"，原文是"裤裆里拉胡琴--扯蛋"；譬如"操性"，现在叫"操行"，学生毕业，学校还正儿八经给孩子写操行鉴定，谁操行好谁操行不好。由此可见，"傻逼"这话也有可能脱俗入雅，起码变成一种中性的，介绍性的形容词。

什么人容易让人叫"傻逼"？按我的经验，这一般是一个让你不舒服的人，又好与人纠缠，说又说不过他，容了他又堵心，大致在气急败坏之后脱口而出：傻逼！这意思也不是把自己比作鸡巴，嫌对方不躲，更多的是恨对方执拗、顽固，辜负了自己的这番苦口婆心地开导，猜他愚蠢，被傻--逼成了这样。在这儿，已无生殖器什么事儿，仅仅是堵心，为一个人不开窍，且被这不开窍活活逼住，象棋术语叫"将死"，而着急。这不是善意的吗？话是说得重一点，潜台词是为他好的，所谓"恨铁不成钢"，一点都不脏，若不是太不靠谱，我差点要说"爱之深恨之切"了。

北京话里还有一个词是跟"傻逼"相对的，叫"精逼"。"精"自然是"精明"的简称，比聪明还聪明，被自己这点聪明"逼"住了，无以复加，一言以譬之：精逼。这个词今天已为"鸡贼"代替，字转意未转，只是突出了这份"精"中的小劲儿，与"江洋大盗"互为反义。

精逼和傻逼看似截然相反，其实讲的都是同一个精神状态，关键字是那个"逼"，都自以为是，被自己这点自以为是"逼"住了。这两者之间其实并无不可逾越的鸿沟，一不留神就会角色互换，我们看到过很多精逼变傻逼的例子，精着精着这人就不对了。

傻逼变精逼的事儿也有。有一个词组就是形容这种你中有我，我中有你的乱劲儿，叫"傻精傻精的"。

The Old Man And The Sea part 1

2011-09-10T10:23:00.000+01:00

Her first wedding picture

2011-08-28T07:21:00.002+01:00

Just found this picture on a blog this morning. Congratulations Sofia !

She's getting married today

2011-08-27T19:06:00.000+01:00

I haven't seen any wedding photos published yet, but some of these pictures this week before her wedding in Italy...

东方绝代佳人(3)

2011-08-22T14:50:00.000+01:00

东方绝代佳人(2)

2011-08-22T14:47:00.000+01:00

东方绝代佳人

2011-08-22T14:41:00.000+01:00

Downloaded many beautiful pictures of Brigitte Lin 林青霞 from Chinese Twitter called Weibo.

To be continued :)

CAROLE KING You've Got A Friend

2011-08-16T10:27:00.001+01:00

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothin', nothin' is goin' right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come runnin' to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knockin' at your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come runnin', runnin, yeah, yeah,
to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes I will

Now ain't it good to know
that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them.

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come runnin, runnin', yeah, yeah, yeah
to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yes I will
You've got a friend,
you've got a friend,
ain't it good to know,
you've got a friend,
ain't it good to know,
ain't it good to know,
ain't it good to know,
you've got a friend,
oh yeah now, you've got a friend,
yeah baby, you've got a friend,
oh yeah, you've got a friend.

(N.B. I always feel that only true friend is God)

Good Coffee is Like Friendship

2011-08-02T13:28:00.000+01:00

Good Coffee is Like Friendship: Rich and Warm and Strong

Good coffee makes the moment. It's the friend that's always there, To warm you and cheer you and put your world to rights.

For every welcome cup. Make it coffee. Make it often. Make it right.

一篇被删的好文

2011-07-27T11:41:00.000+01:00

（转载）韩寒：脱节的国度

2011-07-27 10:57:36| 分类：好文推荐 | 标签： |字号大中小订阅

你一直问，他们何以如此的丧心病狂，他们却觉得自己已经非常的克制忍让。你一直问，他们何以如此的颠倒黑白，他们却觉得自己已经非常的公正坦率。你一直问，他们何以如此的包庇凶手，他们却觉得自己已经非常的愧对炮友。你一直问，他们何以如此的掩盖真相，他们却觉得自己已经非常的透明开放。你一直问，他们何以如此的生活腐化，他们却觉得自己已经非常的艰苦朴素。你一直问，他们何以如此的骄横傲慢，他们却觉得自己已经非常的姿态低下。

你觉得自己很委屈，他们也觉得自己很委屈，他们认为，在清政府的统治下，老百姓连电视机都看不上，现在电视机已经走进了千家万户，这是多大的进步。

他们觉得，我们建了这个，我们建了那个，你别管过程中发生了什么，也别管这是给谁献礼，至少你用到了吧。你以前从上海到北京火车要一天一夜，现在只要不被雷劈，五个小时就到了，你为何不感激，为何充满了质疑？

偶然发生一个安全事故，中央最高领导都已经表示了关心，我还派人来回答你们记者的问题，原来赔17万，现在赔50万，甚至撤职了一个兄弟，事情都做到这份上了，你们为什么还抓着一些细节不放呢，你们的思想怎么反而就这样不开放呢？你们的大局观都去哪里了呢？为什么要我谢罪呢，我又没犯罪，这是发展的代价。迅速处理尸体是我们的惯例，早签字多发奖金，晚签字少拿赔偿，这是我们的兄弟部门在强拆工作中被证明了行之有效的手段。掩埋车厢的确是当时一个糊涂做出的一个决定，况且是上头叫我们这么做的。因为上头觉得任何可能引发的麻烦都是可以就地掩埋的。错就错在大白天就开始施工，洞挖太大，而且没有和宣传部门沟通好，现场的摄影记者也没有全控制住，准备工作比较仓促。这次事故最大的教训就是以后在就地掩埋的时候还是要考虑到物体的体积和工作的保密。还是低估了。

他们认为，总体来说，这次的救援是成功的，及时的。调度合理，统筹规范，善后满意。唯一的遗憾是在舆论上有点失控，他们觉得这就不是我们的责任了，舆论不归我们管。

他们认为，从大的来说，我们举办了奥运会，我们取消了农业税，这些你们不赞美，老是抓住一些细枝末节的东西，这是什么居心。我们本可以在政治上比朝鲜更紧，在经济上比苏丹更穷，在治国上比红色高棉更狠，因为我们拥有比他们更多的军队，但是我们没有那么做，你们不感恩，却要我们谢罪，我们觉得很委屈。这个社会里，有产者，无产者，有权者，无权者，每个人都觉得自己很委屈。一个所有人都觉得委屈的国家，各个阶层都已经互相脱节了，这个庞大的国家各种组成的部分依靠惯性各顾各的滑行着，如果再无改革，脱节事小，脱轨难救。

国家为什么不进步，是因为他们中的很多人一直在用毛泽东斯大林时代的他们来衡量自己，所以他们永远觉得自己太委屈了，太开明了，太公正了，太仁慈了，太低姿态了，太不容易了。他们将科技裹着时代向前走的步伐当成了自己主动开放的幻象，于是你越批评他，他越渴望极权，你越搞毛他，他越怀念毛。

有一个国家机器朋友对我说，你们就是不知足，你这样的文人，要是搁在四十年前，你就被枪毙了，你说这个时代，是进步了还是退步了。

我说，你们就是不知足，你这样的观点，要是搁在九十年前，早就被人笑死了，你说这个时代，他到底是进步了还是。

绝代大美人

2011-07-18T16:25:00.000+01:00

Sofia forever

2011-07-10T18:39:00.000+01:00

Flowing water Flying time

2011-07-10T18:33:00.000+01:00

似水流年是一个人所有的一切，只有这个东西，才真正归你所有。其余的一切，都是片刻的欢娱和不幸，转眼间就已跑到那似水流年里去了。我所认识的人，都不珍视自己的似水流年。他们甚至不知道，自己还有这么一件东西，所以一个个像丢了魂一样。——王小波

Nice bag (34)

2011-07-02T08:33:00.000+01:00

What does the Bible say about legalism? How can a Christian avoid falling into the trap of legalism?

2011-06-12T14:29:00.001+01:00

chWhat does the Bible say about legalism? How can a Christian avoid falling into the trap of legalism?

Nice bags (33)

2011-06-01T15:15:00.000+01:00

I don't like her face but I like her bag and simple dress style.

The meaning of education

2011-05-31T14:23:00.001+01:00

I watched Dead Poets Society this Saturday, and I've been thinking there are not so many wonderful teachers like John Keating in this corrupted world. Some quotes from this film are very inspiring and memorable:

John Keating: They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

John Keating: We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

7个顶级心理预言(3)

2011-05-26T11:37:00.000+01:00

规划的寓言：把一张纸折叠51次

想象一下，你手里有一张足够大的白纸。现在，你的任务是，把它折叠51次。那么，它有多高？
一个冰箱？一层楼？或者一栋摩天大厦那么高？不是，差太多了，这个厚度超过了地球和太阳之间的距离。

【心理点评】
到现在，我拿这个寓言问过十几个人了，只有两个人说，这可能是一个想象不到的高度，而其他人想到的最高的高度也就是一栋摩天大厦那么高。
折叠51次的高度如此恐怖，但如果仅仅是将51张白纸叠在一起呢？
这个对比让不少人感到震撼。因为没有方向、缺乏规划的人生，就像是将51张白纸简单叠在一起。今天做做这个，明天做做那个，每次努力之间并没有一个联系。这样一来，哪怕每个工作都做得非常出色，它们对你的整个人生来说也不过是简单的叠加而已。
当然，人生比这个寓言更复杂一些。有些人，一生认定一个简单的方向而坚定地做下去，他们的人生最后达到了别人不可企及的高度。譬如，我一个朋友的人生方向是英语，他花了十数年努力，仅单词的记忆量就达到了十几万之多，在这一点上达到了一般人无法企及的高度。
也有些人，他们的人生方向也很明确，譬如开公司做老板，这样，他们就需要很多技能———专业技能、管理技能、沟通技能、决策技能等等。他们可能会在一开始尝试做做这个，又尝试做做那个，没有一样是特别精通的，但最后，开公司做老板的这个方向将以前的这些看似零散的努力统合到一起，这也是一种复杂的人生折叠，而不是简单的叠加。
切记：看得见的力量比看不见的力量更有用。
现在，流行从看不见的地方寻找答案，譬如潜能开发，譬如成功学，以为我们的人生要靠一些奇迹才能得救。但是，在我看来，东莞恒缘心理咨询中心的咨询师毛正强说得更正确，“通过规划利用好现有的能力远比挖掘所谓的潜能更重要。”

7个顶级心理预言(2)

2011-05-26T11:33:00.000+01:00

动机的寓言：孩子在为谁而玩

一群孩子在一位老人家门前嬉闹，叫声连天。几天过去，老人难以忍受。
于是，他出来给了每个孩子25美分，对他们说：“你们让这儿变得很热闹，我觉得自己年轻了不少，这点钱表示谢意。”
孩子们很高兴，第二天仍然来了，一如既往地嬉闹。老人再出来，给了每个孩子15美分。他解释说，自己没有收入，只能少给一些。15美分也还可以吧，孩子仍然兴高采烈地走了。
第三天，老人只给了每个孩子5美分。
孩子们勃然大怒，“一天才5美分，知不知道我们多辛苦！”他们向老人发誓，他们再也不会为他玩了！

【心理点评】你在为谁而“玩”
这个寓言是苹果树寓言的更深一层的答案：苹果树为什么会自断经脉，因为它不是为自己而“玩”。
人的动机分两种：内部动机和外部动机。如果按照内部动机去行动，我们就是自己的主人。如果驱使我们的是外部动机，我们就会被外部因素所左右，成为它的奴隶。
在这个寓言中，老人的算计很简单，他将孩子们的内部动机“为自己快乐而玩”变成了外部动机“为得到美分而玩”，而他操纵着美分这个外部因素，所以也操纵了孩子们的行为。寓言中的老人，像不像是你的老板、上司？而美分，像不像是你的工资、奖金等各种各样的外部奖励？
如将外部评价当作参考坐标，我们的情绪就很容易出现波动。因为，外部因素我们控制不了，它很容易偏离我们的内部期望，让我们不满，让我们牢骚满腹。不满和牢骚等负性情绪让我们痛苦，为了减少痛苦，我们就只好降低内部期望，最常见的方法就是减少工作的努力程度。
一个人之所以会形成外部评价体系，最主要的原因是父母喜欢控制他。父母太喜欢使用口头奖惩、物质奖惩等控制孩子，而不去理会孩子自己的动机。久而久之，孩子就忘记了自己的原初动机，做什么都很在乎外部的评价。上学时，他忘记了学习的原初动机———好奇心和学习的快乐；工作后，他又忘记了工作的原初动机——— 成长的快乐，上司的评价和收入的起伏成了他工作的最大快乐和痛苦的源头。
切记：外部评价系统经常是一种家族遗传，但你完全可以打破它，从现在开始培育自己的内部评价体系，让学习和工作变成“为自己而玩”。

7个顶级心理预言 (1)

2011-05-26T11:29:00.001+01:00

成长的寓言：做一棵永远成长的苹果树

一棵苹果树，终于结果了。
第一年，它结了10个苹果，9个被拿走，自己得到1个。对此，苹果树愤愤不平，于是自断经脉，拒绝成长。第二年，它结了5个苹果，4个被拿走，自己得到1个。“哈哈，去年我得到了10％，今年得到20％！翻了一番。”这棵苹果树心理平衡了。
但是，它还可以这样：继续成长。譬如，第二年，它结了100个果子，被拿走90个，自己得到10个。
很可能，它被拿走99个，自己得到1个。但没关系，它还可以继续成长，第三年结1000个果子……
其实，得到多少果子不是最重要的。最重要的是，苹果树在成长！等苹果树长成参天大树的时候，那些曾阻碍它成长的力量都会微弱到可以忽略。真的，不要太在乎果子，成长是最重要的。

【心理点评】你是不是一个已自断经脉的打工族？
刚开始工作的时候，你才华横溢，意气风发，相信“天生我才必有用”。但现实很快敲了你几个闷棍，或许，你为单位做了大贡献没人重视；或许，只得到口头重视但却得不到实惠；或许……总之，你觉得就像那棵苹果树，结出的果子自己只享受到了很小一部分，与你的期望相差甚远。
于是，你愤怒、你懊恼、你牢骚满腹……最终，你决定不再那么努力，让自己的所做去匹配自己的所得。几年过去后，你一反省，发现现在的你，已经没有刚工作时的激情和才华了。
“老了，成熟了。”我们习惯这样自嘲。但实质是，你已停止成长了。
这样的故事，在我们身边比比皆是。
之所以犯这种错误，是因为我们忘记生命是一个历程，是一个整体，我们觉得自己已经成长过了，现在是到该结果子的时候了。我们太过于在乎一时的得失，而忘记了成长才是最重要的。
好在，这不是金庸小说里的自断经脉。我们随时可以放弃这样做，继续走向成长之路。
切记：如果你是一个打工族，遇到了不懂管理、野蛮管理或错误管理的上司或企业文化，那么，提醒自己一下，千万不要因为激愤和满腹牢骚而自断经脉。不论遇到什么事情，都要做一棵永远成长的苹果树，因为你的成长永远比每个月拿多少钱重要。

Bright kitchen

2011-05-25T14:38:00.000+01:00

Kate Middleton's new dress

2011-05-25T12:29:00.000+01:00

Saw these photos on 24 May 2011. This dress really depends on who is wearing.... It's indeed slim figure looks much better in a dress.

The Sting Soundtrack

2011-05-14T09:47:00.001+01:00

I watched this film DVD last night. It was such great entertainment!

小娟&山谷里的居民-山谷里的居民

2011-05-14T09:15:00.002+01:00

Amazing likenesses :)

2011-05-14T08:37:00.000+01:00

A new style icon is born

2011-05-01T23:31:00.000+01:00

Her style is approachable.

Michelle and Alison in Paris

2011-04-26T21:39:00.000+01:00

My beautiful nieces are on holiday in Paris this Easter. Wish I were with them.

Sofia Coppola's apartment in Paris

2011-04-26T21:30:00.003+01:00

Nice bags (32)

2011-04-23T15:32:00.000+01:00

This is much cheaper in Japan

2011-04-04T15:58:00.000+01:00

This is much cheaper in Japan than Ireland.

The first President I knew

2011-04-04T15:56:00.000+01:00

When I was about 4 years old, I went to a local cinema with my parents to watch a documentary film about the visit of President Nixon to China. That was the first time I knew an American President.

This Saturday I watched Frost/Nixon DVD. It's brilliant.

最珍贵的东西都是免费的

2011-03-29T07:59:00.001+01:00

【转】世界上，最珍贵的东西都是免费的：比如阳光，比如空气，比如愛情，比如亲情，比如友情，比如梦想，比如信念……那么多美好的东西都是免费的，造物主早已把最珍贵的一切，免费地给予了我们每一个人。
In this world, the most precious things are all free of charge: such as sunshine, air, love, hope, friendship, dreams and faith...... so much beautiful things are free of charge. The Creator has already provided all these most precious free things to each one by His grace.

Healthy vegetable

2011-03-28T15:16:00.001+01:00

I love eating this as it's such a healthy vegetable. But I seem can never remember how to spell its name correctly in English.

Thank you God

2011-03-28T09:23:00.000+01:00

Thank you my Lord for an answered prayer. I can never thank you enough.

Psalm4:1 Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness ! You have relieved me in my distress; have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

A good education for young girls

2011-03-24T12:35:00.000Z

All young girls need to watch this beautiful film. Definitely a good education.

I'm very impressed by the two actors. Amazing the actor who playing English man David is actually an American ! (Our birthdays are on the same date)

弱者心态

2011-03-23T10:57:00.001Z

弱者心态的三个特别：" 特别夸大自己的成绩，特别不包容别人的差异，特别在意别人对自己的评价。"

The unforgettable German officer

2011-03-21T10:23:00.000Z

I watched The Pianist (2002, directed by Roman Polanski) this Saturday night. The German officer who helped the Jewish pianist to hide in Nazi-occupied Poland is so unforgettable although there were not much scenes about him. His name is Wilm Hosenfeld.

Chinese woman in the old times

2011-03-21T09:22:00.000Z

The Chinese women before the cultural revolution were most charming. The stupid horrible cultural revolution has destroyed everything valuable in the Chinese spirit, including the special charm of Chinese women. Now looking at the old photos of this charming lady about 60 years ago...make me think the Chinese women in mainland China nowadays are so ugly in their soul. They have lost soul already. They haven't got spirit yet. All they want is money.

One of my favourite books

2011-03-21T09:15:00.000Z

11 years ago, when I moved to Ireland, one of the books I brought is The Old and The Sea.

说话的艺术

2011-03-21T08:53:00.000Z

1.急事,慢慢的说
2.大事,清楚的说
3.小事,幽默的说
4.没把握的事,谨慎的说
5.没发生的事,不要胡说
6.做不到的事,别乱说
7.伤害人的事,不能说
8.讨厌的事,对事不对人的说
9.开心的事,看场合说
10.伤心的事,不要见人就说
11.别人的事,小心的说
12.自己的事,听听自己的心怎么说。

Sex & City in 1953

2011-03-18T15:02:00.000Z

How To Marry A Million (1953) should be called an older edition of Sex and City. Many many years passed, from the girls in Jane Austen novels until now, the eternal theme is about how to marry a rich man. marry.

The Day the Earth Moved

2011-03-18T14:54:00.000Z

To make their nation whole after the terrible tsunami, the Japanese will need resilience and fortitude. They have deep reserves of both. Read more:http://www.time.com/time/magazine#ixzz1GufxtaLX

Would he be the next US President?

2011-03-18T14:49:00.002Z

Talk Low, Talk Slow

2011-03-11T13:51:00.000Z

John Wayne, famous American actor and film icon, once said, “Talk low, talk slow, and don’t say too much.” His advice is hard for me to follow since I’m a fast talker and I don’t always speak quietly or limit my words. However, this idea of controlling our speech can be a useful tool when dealing with anger. The Bible says we are supposed to be “slow to speak” (James 1:19), and that “a soft answer turns away wrath” (Prov. 15:1).

Gideon gave a soft answer during a verbal scuffle with some fellow Israelites (Judg. 8). Just after his army defeated the Midianites, a group of his countrymen criticized him sharply (v.1). They were miffed because they missed out on the main part of the battle. Gideon did not fling back a rough response. Instead, he reminded them that they had captured and killed the Midianite princes. He also honored the men by asking, “What was I able to do in comparison with you?” Finally, “their anger toward him subsided when he said that” (v.3).

With the Lord’s help, we can defuse heated situations by reining in our words. Responding gently and carefully to angry people can promote unity, for God’s glory.

Lord, set a guard upon my lips,
My tongue control today;
Help me evaluate each thought
And watch each word I say. —Hess

Bite your tongue before your tongue bites others.

http://odb.org/2011/03/29/talk-low-talk-slow/

Pretty white dresses

2011-03-11T12:29:00.001Z

I love white dresses. They are as classic as the little black dresses

Nice bags (31)

2011-03-11T12:22:00.002Z

Yes they are like that

2011-03-11T12:20:00.000Z

This picture was drawn many years ago, but amazingly can reflect the mind of girls in mainland China nowadays. Yes, their mind is just like that.

Peace Lily

2011-03-11T12:16:00.000Z

Peace Lily is perhaps the most easygoing plant that I've had. It also can purify the air in house.

I want to have this book

2011-03-09T11:01:00.001Z

http://www.foliosociety.com/book/FOM/freaks-of-mayfair

Life Is Beautiful

2011-03-07T14:10:00.002Z

Having watched this masterpiece, I do feel life is beautiful no matter what your circumstances are, so long as you have a good sense of humour... It's the best film I've watched so far this year, although the film is not new. It won 3 Oscars . http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118799/

4+3=7

2011-03-07T14:06:00.000Z

Times flies, another year has passed in my life. All of sudden, my darling niece Michelle the adorable baby in my arms has already grown up to a 5-year-girl who is able to draw me a birthday card. She thinks I'm 5 years old as herself. I will tell her that ah-yi (=auntie) is 7 years old today.

Watch Oscar Online

2011-03-01T10:48:00.000Z

http://watch-oscar-online.com/

I missed watching Oscar ceremony replayed by RTE2 last night because this channel is not on my satellite TV receiver. So delighted to find this webiste this morning. Must find a high speed broadband place to watch it!

夏梦

2011-02-25T10:32:00.002Z

Beauty forever

上网能避免浅薄么？

2011-02-10T15:08:00.000Z

http://www.geekonomics10000.com/553

(《东方早报·上海书评》，2010年12月19日)
我国成年人平均每天读书的时间越来越短，去年只有14.7分钟，而上网的时间越来越长，超过34分钟。如果你认为上网也是一种阅读，我们总的阅读时间是逐年增加的。但上网是一种非常特殊的阅读。
一个典型的上网者通常同时打开好几个窗口，开着聊天工具，每隔一小段时间就查查电子邮件。他很少在任何一个网页停留过多时间，页面随着鼠标滚轮上下翻飞。相对于长篇大论，他更倾向于微博客之类短小的信息。据说曾经有一个资深网民教一个新手怎么使用浏览器，发现那个新手居然在读一篇文章，把他激怒了：网页是读的么？是让你点击的！
现在已经没人能看完《战争与和平》了。高质量的读书要把自己沉浸在书中，有的地方反复看，甚至还要记笔记。这种读法似乎有点丧失自我，好像成了书本的奴隶。而上网则是一个居高临下的姿态，我们游离在内容之外，面对众多等着被临幸的超链接想点哪篇从心所欲。可是在Nicholas Carr的The Shallows（《浅薄》）这本书看来，上网者才是真正的奴隶。相对于读书，网络阅读使我们能记住的信息更少，理解力和创造力下降，形成不了知识体系–互联网把我们的大脑变浅薄了。
网络文本的特征是有超链接。本来设计超链接是让读者可以随时点击相关内容，是更主动的阅读，然而多个实验发现效果恰恰相反。读者倾向于毫无目的地点来点去，不但没有加深理解，甚至记不住读了什么。一个实验中受试者被分为两个组，一组读纯文本，一组读有超链接的“超文本”。然后用所读内容测试，超文本读者的得分显著低于纯文本读者，而且文章中超链接越多，他们的得分就越差。这还不算在真实的上网中，一个人还要面对大量无关的链接，更不用说各种广告都在争夺他的注意力。
为什么超链接使阅读效果变差？因为我们必须随时对点与不点一个链接做决定。一个人读书的时候调动的是大脑中负责语言、记忆力和视觉处理的区域；而对链接做决定则要时刻调动大脑的额前叶区，这是两种完全不同的思维方式。实验表明，网上冲浪可以增进做决策和解决问题的能力，这对老年人保持头脑年轻有好处，但坏处则是牺牲了深度理解。神经科学家发现，网上阅读从硬件层面改变了人的大脑。一个没上过网的新手只要每天上网一小时，五天之后他的大脑结构就会发生可观测的改变！
多媒体内容也未必是好事。在一个实验中受试者被要求阅读一份关于马里的资料。其中一组读的是纯文本，另一组则在文本之外还有一份配合的声像资料，可以随意选择播放还是停止。在随后的测试中，文本组在10道题中平均答对了7.04道，多媒体组只答对了5.98道。而且与直觉相反，文本组的人认为这份资料更有意思，更有教育意义，更容易理解，他们更喜欢这个资料。
多媒体，超链接，时不时蹦出来的聊天信息和新邮件通知，还严重干扰记忆力。只有有意识的短期记忆，称为工作记忆，才有可能被转化为长期记忆。过去心理学家曾经认为人的工作记忆只能同时容纳7条信息，而最新的研究结果是最多只有2到4条。这样有限的容量非常容易被无关信息干扰导致过载。上网时分散的注意力，不停地为点还是不点做决定，都在阻碍我们把短期记忆升级为知识。
网上有些人只看标题就敢评论，根本还不知道文章说的是什么。逐字逐句的读书已经被快速扫描式的读网取代。用小型摄像机跟踪上网者的眼球运动表明，网上阅读模式是个 “F” 形轨迹：他们会快速读一下文章的前面两三行，然后把网页下拉，跳到文章中间再扫几眼，然后就立即跑到结尾把目光停留在屏幕的左下角。大多数网页被读的时间不超过十秒，只有不到十分之一的网页被读超过两分钟。
既然是扫读，深刻的内容就很难有竞争力。点击排行榜上的文章大多是短小精悍的，配有精彩插图，让人会心一笑，有机智而无智慧。很多流行文章都是相同的几个套路，没有真正的新意。与书相比，网上的文章是肤浅的。
为什么会出现这样的局面？Carr认为根源在于互联网这个技术。考察地图、钟表和书籍技术对人类思维方式的影响，会发现技术并不仅仅为思维服务，技术能改变思维。比如地图就加强了人们抽象思维的能力。而互联网这个技术是用各种小信息去干扰人的思考。神经科学家Michael Merzenich说，多任务的阅读方式是“训练我们的大脑去给废物注意力”。
更进一步，Carr认为Google正在把互联网向更肤浅推动。YouTube这样的业务对Google来说只是为了给搜索引擎带来流量，收集信息，以及排挤潜在的竞争对手，对公司利润几乎没有贡献。Google的真正业务是搜索，利润的绝对大头是广告。一个盯着屏幕看的用户不会给它带来任何广告收入，你必须不停地搜索和点击。正如其用户体验设计师Irene Au所言，Google的核心战略就是让用户快来快走，它做的一切都是为这个战略服务。对Google来说，短而新的信息可以带来更多点击，价值远远超过经典长篇大论，它把所有书籍上网，正是把整体的书变成一堆可搜索的短信息的集合。
不过经济学家Tyler Cowen则对肤浅信息的流行有不同的解释。在Create Your Own Economy(中译本《达蜜经济学》)一书中，他提出廉价必然导致低俗流行，是Alchian-Allen定理的要求。这个定理说如果低品质苹果和高品质苹果同时涨价，那么人们将更乐意买高品质苹果，反正也要花很多钱还不如吃个好的。在通讯和交通手段不发达的时代，出门看一场戏剧往往要花费很多时间和金钱，所以要看就看个经典的，而且戏剧往往很长。同样道理在中国发明纸张之前，竹简是昂贵而费力的信息载体，所以那时候的书本本都是经典。
如果获得信息很容易，我们就会倾向于短小轻快的内容。这有一个心理学原因，那就是期待和尝试的乐趣。比如说我们收到一个的礼品盒，打开这个盒子的过程本身就是个很愉快的经历，这就是为什么有人爱看最新电子产品的开箱视频。点开一个链接就如同打开礼品盒，各种短小信息构成了一股期待–尝试–发现的快乐之泉，我们享受这源源不断的小乐趣。另外，很多时候完成一个工作的乐趣集中在开始和结束，而不在漫长的中间过程，我们喜欢不断地开始和不断地结束。相对于一本600页的书，我们可能更想读两本300页的书。我们在网上追求能够立即满足的小刺激。
Cowen认为多任务不是坏事。当处理短小信息的时候，同时干好几个任务，比如说一边看新闻一边聊天，是高效的方式，而且人的多任务能力可以训练。更重要的是，多任务工作可以让我们对这些小事情保持兴趣。Cowen热烈欢迎互联网技术给人们带来的种种方便。
在Cowen看来，新技术的最重要特性是允许我们定制自己接收的信息。过去一张专辑里的歌曲是出版者设定的；而现在每个人的播放器上都是自己选择的节目。网上阅读的要点在于选择和过滤，我们应该学会订阅特选的博客，访问专门的论坛，从而排除无关信息。
哪种人最善于对信息定制，整理和排序？有自闭症倾向的人。自闭症患者往往因为大脑的缺陷而缺少对情感交流的解读能力。对人情的不解反而使他们让思想保持冷静客观。他们把更多的精力投入到对特定信息的收集，整理，分类和记忆中，是最极端的信息爱好者。也许自闭症者不怎么了解自己的邻居，但他们往往对某个特定领域了如指掌。一个小男孩爱好火车时刻表，他可以整日在网上看时刻表。
有点轻微的自闭症倾向甚至可能是成为大师的先决条件。Cowen列举了很多可能有自闭症倾向的名人，包括牛顿，爱因斯坦，图灵，爱迪生，亚当·斯密，甚至杰斐逊和莫扎特。Cowen考证，从福尔摩斯特别注重细节而又不怎么擅长处理人际关系这一点来看，他和柯南道尔都有典型的自闭症症状。更进一步，Cowen认为现代教育正是要把学生往自闭症的思维方式上培养。
Cowen没有回答的问题是上网能彻底取代读书么？收集并整理一大堆短信息能取代对成体系知识的学习么？显然不能。大量的信息不能自动带来深度理解。很多自闭症患者对细节具有过目不忘的超强记忆力，他们甚至可以把一本多年以前看过的书背出来，却不怎么理解书的意思。Carr对阅读肤浅化的担心是合理的，上网不能取代读书；而Cowen的贡献则在于如果我们上网，我们就应该用自闭症思维上网。
知识是有等级的。八卦新闻，实效性强的信息，网友对时局的看法，本来就不值得印在纸上浪费树木，在网上看看正好。扫读网页不见得是什么毛病，相反，能够以不同速度读不同等级的内容是最有用的阅读技术。
上网的关键态度，是要成为网络的主人，而不做各种超链接的奴隶。高效率的上网应该像自闭症患者一样具有很强的目的性，以我为主，不被无关信息左右。就算是纯粹为了娱乐上网也无可厚非，这时候读得快就是优点。一个真正的智者不会让上网占用读书时间，他应该经常能够平静地深入思考，只有电话接线员才随叫随注意。

How the Internet Gets Inside Us: newyorker.com

2011-02-10T14:55:00.001Z

How the Internet Gets Inside Us: newyorker.com

Be Careful What You Say

2011-02-09T11:04:00.003Z

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Be Careful What You Say (3)
''The lips of the godly speak helpful words...'' Proverbs 10:32
A World War II poster reads, 'Careless words cost lives'. So when you hear something negative about someone, ask yourself four questions. First, is it true? 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour' (Exodus 20:16 NKJV). That's one of the Ten Commandments, not the ten suggestions! Until you're certain it's true, say nothing. Wait; time always reveals the truth. Second, is it confidential? Did you hear it as a result of someone else's having broken a confidence? If you speak it, will you be contributing to the violation of a confidence? Remember, 'Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered' (Proverbs 11:13 ESV). Your usefulness to God requires that you don't sacrifice your integrity by betraying trust. Third, is it helpful? Will it tear others down or build them up? Satan is devoted to pulling down, discouraging and defeating; don't be his accomplice. 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen' (Ephesians 4:29 NIV). Will it be beneficial and encouraging to those who hear it? Finally, is it necessary? Stop and ask yourself, 'What do others and the cause of Christ gain by my saying it, or lose by my not saying it?' Always keep this in mind: you're more likely to regret the things you said than the things you didn't. 'A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards' (Proverbs 29:11 KJV). Be wise; be careful what you say.

Iike this idea

2011-02-03T09:26:00.000Z

Read this today:

这个冬天因为经常做热葡萄酒mulled wine而变得不那么寒冷。配方网上有很多种，简单的主要放肉桂棒，橘子，糖和小丁香，温火加热。不需要好酒，最好是每次拿出来看一眼又塞回去的那种。来个把朋友，拿出坚果，奶酪，橄榄和salami，配上有趣的谈话和热腾腾的酒，这个夜晚就完美了

土豆丝饼

2011-02-02T09:17:00.000Z

好吃的一道土豆烙：土豆丝切好（勿泡水），起油锅，放油少量，然后把土豆丝在锅底摊平，掌握好油温，淀粉态自然成饼状，小心翻面，煎得金黄，然后均匀撒辣椒粉、花椒粉，盐，起锅前撒一把葱花

Stay in Constant Contact with God

2011-02-01T11:56:00.005Z

'...be persistent in your prayers...' Ephesians 6:18
Andrew Murray wrote, 'Many Christians look upon it as a burden and a duty and a difficulty to get alone with God! That is the great hindrance to our Christian life everywhere.' God says, 'Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great...things, which you do not know' (Jeremiah33:3 NKJV). The answers you seek can be found on your knees. Jesus said, 'If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you' (John 15:7 NKJV). Prayer is like a platinum card; it gives you access to God's wisdom and resources. Paul writes: '...continuing steadfastly in prayer' (Romans 12:12 NKJV). The story's told of a soldier in World War II who was caught creeping back into his quarters from some nearby woods. Brought before his commanding officer and charged with communicating with the enemy, he said he had just gone out to pray. His commanding officer asked, 'Do you make a habit of spending hours alone in prayer?' 'Yes, sir,' he replied. 'Then get down on your knees and pray now,' roared the officer, 'for you've never needed it more!' The soldier kneeled down and prayed so powerfully that his CO shouted, 'Enough, you may go, I believe you! If you hadn't been so often at drill, you wouldn't have done so well at review.' Prayer isn't like a spare tyre; you can't just leave it in your trunk and expect it to be effective when you need it. You must 'be persistent in your prayers.' In other words, stay in constant contact with God.

http://www.ucb.co.uk/index.cfm?itemid=88&testdate=31 Jan 2011

Out of Africa（1985） - ThemeMusic

2011-01-31T16:18:00.001Z

In memory of John Barry, the great composer who died today.

Dances With Wolves - The John Dunbar Theme

2011-01-31T16:15:00.001Z

In memory of John Barry, the wonderful composer who died today.

冰糖橘分公母

2011-01-28T14:16:00.002Z

冰糖橘分公母，母的要甜一些。带叶子，大个儿的是公的。不带叶子，两个小个儿的是母的。公母到也不是绝对以大小来论。母的顶头有点鼓，公的有点往里凹。还有一条挑选的绝招，表皮上毛孔大的，甜度也会大。比如右下方的那个小的，就特别甜。

Two brilliant actors

2011-01-28T14:15:00.000Z

Looking forward to the DVD..... This film looks like to win many Oscars on 27 Feb.

Sofia so beautiful

2011-01-28T14:12:00.000Z

Nice bag (30)

2011-01-27T13:18:00.001Z

Your Heavenly Body

2011-01-21T09:23:00.000Z

Ever wonder what your heavenly body will be like? The Bible gives us three answers to the questions, 'How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?'

First, it speaks of anatomy: '...Men have one kind of flesh, animals have another, birds another and fish another' (1 Corinthians 15:39 NIV). Just as fish are designed to handle the pressures of the ocean and birds are designed to fly, your heavenly body will be custom-made for eternity. (Imagine travelling not merely at the speed of light, but the speed of thought!)

Next, it speaks of astronomy: 'The sun has one kind of splendour, the moon another and the stars another; and star differs from star in splendour. So will it be with the resurrection of the dead...' (1 Corinthians 15:41-42 NIV).

There will be degrees of honour and differences of reward when we get to heaven. Your service now is what determines your status then 'God "will give to each person according to what he has done."'( Romans 2:6).

Finally, it speaks of agriculture: '...it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power' (1 Corinthians15:43 NIV). The old Saxon word for cemetery means 'God's acre.' How wonderful; Christians don't get buried, they get planted!

There's a bulletin board in the Mayo Clinic which reads: 'Cancer is limited: it cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot erode faith, it cannot eat away peace, it cannot destroy confidence, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot shut out memories, it cannot silence courage, it cannot invade the soul, it cannot reduce eternal life, it cannot quench the spirit, and it cannot lessen the power of the resurrection.'

http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today

Julie Powell vs Julia Child

2011-01-17T16:08:00.000Z

I watched this delicious film DVD recently. Love it. Julia Child and her husband are so romantic ! Julie Powell is so smart to learn the wisdom of love life from Julia's cooking book.

I would love to cook beef with red wine...

A must-have for cooking

2011-01-17T16:03:00.000Z

get tough行为指南

2011-01-17T15:38:00.000Z

http://hi.baidu.com/girlvia/blog/item/639bed364e3995230b55a91d.html

在看到庄雅婷这个名字的时候，我真想给自己改个笔名叫做庄坚强，如果得知后来我和她能成为好友，说不定还就真改了。庄老说，get tough是很吃亏的，分分钟面临着没人关心没人疼爱的危险，可tough的性格又像是一件内衣外穿的避弹衣，在别人刚开始打飞机的时候我就已经开始打老师，一直以来最多被人冠以的抬头就是“才女”或者“女流氓”。

一个人在北京，一转眼马上就要十年，这十年，很长见识。爱恨分明的性格被大大增强，另一方面也拜我这些文字工作所赐，人人都爱看损文。曾经我也很害怕在一个人回到家门口的时候，转动钥匙所赐产生的浓郁的孤独感，习惯了在出门前留一盏小灯，很多时候我也很脆弱，但不怎么让人看得到。

《恋人絮语》里面谢安琪那一段我特别喜欢，讲的是一个花痴暗恋故事，她暗恋彭于晏，结果彭于晏搬走了，她无数的幻想并没有让她尝试去表白，而是很快就欢喜地迎接下一段暗恋。没错，爱的时候，我们都要用力去爱，爱不在的时候，就抖抖肩膀去他妈，留下回忆足够。

要做一个强大的人，首先你必须是一个比较完整的人，这种完整性表现在很多方面。
例如，你必须能够一个人生活，会做饭，这样你不会因为饥饿而气急败坏自怨自怜，你还可以用厨艺去讨好自己以及你想讨好的任何人；你要有一个功能齐全的屋子，药箱里的药不仅要知道怎么吃，最好还知道药理作用是什么，有了小病基本可以自己诊断治疗；你可以懒，但你不能够不懂如何收拾；不要以为养一个宠物就能表示你很有爱心，有了宠物之后很多事情你都做不了，例如是不是出差或者旅行一段时间；简而言之，你可以很懒，但你必须什么都懂得做，最后的最后，你可以求自己。

例如，你应该多多阅读，使你自己更加理智，你可以情绪化，但你不能够只能放不能收。我说的阅读，不是要你去读专栏作家，不是要你去读小说，而是要去读“硬货”！什么是硬货？历史是，哲学是，数学是，物理是，甚至医学也是，哪怕教你画画或者弹钢琴的，都是硬货。简而言之，你需要阅读的是——知识！不要碰到什么事儿第一个就想到情绪、命运之类水不拉几的东西，你要有知识，有逻辑，会分析，会推理，会假设。要知道很多时候你遇到的问题，其实靠知识是可以解决很重要的问题的，例如对自己情绪的分析和掌控，看张小娴和亦舒是没屁用的，人生无法模仿，你更无法将自己和她们的女主角相比，你需要的是对自己的了解，和对情绪、习惯之类的客观分析与控制。

例如，你要学会将自己分成两个世界。这一点十分、十分重要！这两个世界，一个是外部世界，一个是内部世界。我先说，内部世界，内部的东西应该是不变的、永恒的、安定的，这里面装载着你的永恒价值，你的最高理想，最让你感到安全的人和事、爱好与回忆，无论任何时候，外面的世界如何变化，外面的人如何对待你，这个内部世界都始终死水微澜，这是立命之本。简而言之，内部世界是你的心。要知道，面对别人，面对这个世界，绝大部分的事情是不需要“走心”的，他可以和你的心擦肩而过，但要进入你的内心世界，必须经过最严格的筛选，内部世界的被干扰，会直接引起自己情绪的崩溃，所以，要学会将大部分的事情“不走心”。而外部世界，我习惯于称之为“随你搞”。在这部分的世界里，是宽容，是接纳，是参与，包括与别人的交往，你真心付出，但不必将他纳入内部世界（除非你允许自己被他弄崩溃），外部世界是五彩纷呈的，什么人都可以交谈聊天，什么冒险的事情都可以做，你只要知道，即使这些事情一无所有，甚至全部失败，其实根本影响不到你的内心平静。

我的内心世界的容量十分有限，里面都是我最高价值的东西，我的终极信仰，我的做人准则，我的知识，等等，总之，基本都是很客观的东西，这些东西基本不会改变，它既是我精神中的基础，又是一根定海神针，无论我的外部世界混乱成什么样子，我都可以全部推倒重来，只要用我的内部世界进行重新建造就可以。这一部分是“走心”的。

“走心”的事情真的不必多，切记。例如我，你看我的生活光怪陆离，但我基本上情绪从不失控，生活也从不脱轨，就是因为内部世界足够坚定，别人的情绪从根本上来说绝对无法影响我，外面发生的事情，也无从改变我，更加不用提什么让我怀疑人生怀疑自我。所以其实我从14岁到现在，基本来说变化不大。变的都是外部世界，就像人换了一件衣服穿，仅此而已。

将内心分为外部世界和内部世界最好的一点就是，你既可以彻底尽情的享受这个世界的各种人、各种事、各种情感，你也可以内心中始终保持一个方向，你的人格不会受损，你的生活不会崩溃。这么比喻吧：内部世界好比一个有强大防火墙保护的C驱，所有下载的东西都放在别的分驱里头，即使外面崩溃了，系统还是好好的。没错，你必须有一个情绪和人格的防火墙。

我常常这样感慨自己：基本上好玩儿的都玩儿过，冒险的事情也经历了很多，剑走偏锋的事情没少干，去了很多很多地方，生活密度极大，可以同时打开好多窗口，但是我重要的事情除了结婚之外基本一样都没有落下，而且都还十分可观。我绝对不允许自己将自己的生活搞砸，还是砸在别人手里，这是绝对、绝对不允许的。

继续说，我们还需要一些内心暗示的能力。这种暗示可以是阿Q式的自我感觉良好型（真不难），例如大头就说“我的心中永远没有情敌，因为我爱谁，和他没关。”另外一种暗示就是“看开点”型，深呼吸之后内心重复几遍“这有神马啊？”“这点破事儿！”“不就一副臭皮囊！”（这个很适用于肉体受伤或者生病或者任何肉体疼痛的时候）“让丫滚！”“这次傻逼了，下次绝不了。”“生挺！过两天神马好不了？”“没事儿，不就一XXXXXX吗？也至于？！”“我还是先睡觉吧。”“都是暂时的。会好的。”

要记得，尽量、尽量不要让自己失眠。如果你情绪很糟，必须尽快发泄然后睡觉，哪怕这种发泄情绪是负面的，哪怕这种发泄会不太好（例如写文章、写微博辱骂这破事儿或者致使你疯狂的sb（你要是之后后悔就删了呗）。在你很难过的事情，切记，要全部为自己着想，你想怎么relief就怎么做，让自己开心（但是别做任何危险的事情，任何时候，要知道什么东西是只会让你getting worse，这需要知识和自控能力）。

再接着说。必须长期进行心理锻炼，将训练自己的自控能力当成是特别重要的部分。不但是控制自己的情绪，还有控制自己的行为，如果你学会了控制自己，那么别人对你的干扰就绝对有限。做自己觉得是正确的事情，而不是仅仅做自己想做的事情。该读书的时候绝不上网，该努力的时候绝不给自己找借口去约会，该负责的时候绝不推诿责任。对自己说一不二，绝不手软，绝不心软。想摆平人家，想摆平自己的事情，最重要的就是先摆平自己，这是基础。

自己活得体面也十分重要，所谓活得体面，就是必须看起来就是一个自由独立有自尊的人，穿得干净好看，身材不放弃，别一说话别人就知道你猥琐。被人开玩笑的时候不必当真（但也要勇于跟别人开玩笑），被人真的欺负的时候要有尊严地反抗，被人践踏的时候要拍着桌子和丫对骂或者给。总之，不要做自己看不起的事情成了习惯，一而再再而三，你看世界的方式就会扭曲。

平时别管人家在干嘛，但是别人向你求助的时候，竭尽全力帮助。

因为写这篇文章的时候吃了顿饭，好像有些忘了说，以后想起什么，再补吧。也写得够长的了……

Place mats from IKEA

2011-01-10T12:07:00.000Z

I'm very happy with the KLISTRIG place mats bought fromn IKEA yesterday. In face I've been very hesitating about the colour choices of all the place mats there... Ditto the colours of other things for my house. It's easier to decide on design and material, but it takes longer time to select a right colour.

Today and tomorrow

2011-01-03T08:59:00.001Z

Today is the last day of my Christmas/New Year holidays. I'm dreaming that I could set up a dining table like this for my loved ones and friends someday.... The reality is going to start another year's uncertain work tomorrow.

Pray to God for His blessings, wisdom and guidance. In Jesus's name, Amen!

Essential things for kitchen

2010-12-31T09:46:00.000Z

Would love to get these for my kitchen...

How to stay young?

2010-12-31T09:33:00.003Z

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves (and GOD). Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Worry about nothing, pray about everything!!!We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

Final scene (9)

2010-12-22T16:20:00.001Z

I couldn't forget this film. I will watch it again.

Beautiful handwriting

2010-12-22T16:17:00.001Z

螺鈿紫檀阮咸

2010-11-29T15:27:00.003Z

正倉院藏螺鈿紫檀阮咸。阮咸相傳為西晉名士阮咸擅長之器，因而唐武則天時以「阮咸」命名。此面板正中有圓形捍撥，捍撥上方左右各有一個圓形音孔。捍撥綠地，上以蜜陀僧彩繪四女團坐花間，其中一人作花下彈阮之狀。《乐府杂录·十六·序阮咸》：「大中初，有待诏张隐耸者，其妙绝伦。蜀郡亦多能者。」

正倉院藏螺鈿紫檀阮咸。它的面板由紫檀製作而成，同時鑲嵌精緻的螺鈿花紋。背面有螺鈿、琥珀、玳瑁等物綴成一對鴛鴦銜珠圖案，十分精美。

from http://t.sina.com.cn/pipa

唐代五弦琵琶

2010-11-18T10:42:00.001Z

日本正仓院藏紫檀玳瑁嵌螺钿的五弦琵琶。它是世界上唯一被完好保存的唐代五弦琵琶。

Legalism or Grace? (2)

2010-11-12T13:19:00.001Z

'We are made fit...by the once-for-all sacrifice of Jesus.' Hebrews 10:10

Rigid adherence to a list of do's and don'ts appeals to our pride and self-sufficiency by fostering the myth that if we work hard enough we can earn God's favour. That's fear-based thinking, and '...God has not given us a spirit of fear...' (2 Timothy1:7 NLT). 'There is no fear in love...fear has to do with punishment...' (1 John 4:18 NIV).

Legalism is fear that God isn't big enough to forgive your sins, that unless you do the right thing in the right way at the right time-and do it perfectly-you're in trouble.

Jon Walker writes: 'That's a lie with the smell of hell all over it! When we fear making mistakes we become timid, and limit ourselves from living abundantly. We let...analysis permeate our decisions as we lead quiet, desperate, anti-faith lives, afraid to move with the bold confidence that grace gives us to walk in uncertainty...unafraid of rejection.'

Speaking against works-based religion, Martin Luther said, 'Be a sinner and let your sins be strong, but let your trust in Christ be stronger...rejoice in Christ...the victor over sin.' No, Luther wasn't excusing sin! He was restoring grace to its rightful place, affirming that nothing can separate us from God's love (Romans 8:38-39). He wasn't downgrading the law, He was upgrading grace.

Grace means talking to God and listening for His voice when it would be easier to just consult the rule book. The truth is, when '...[Jesus] entered...heaven...to appear...before God on our behalf' (Hebrews 9:24 NLT), He freed us to have a relationship with Him without fear of sin separating us.

Legalism or Grace? (1)

2010-11-12T13:14:00.001Z

'..do not set aside...grace...' Galatians 2:21

Imagine going to the emergency room and being asked to leave because you're bleeding all over the floor! Jesus encountered that legalistic mindset when he healed a crippled woman on the Sabbath. 'Indignant...the synagogue ruler said..."There are six days for work...come and be healed on those days...' ' (Luke13:14 NIV). Observing the law was more important to him than the people he was supposed to care for.

Max Lucado says: 'All religion falls into...two camps: legalism or grace.

A legalist believes if you look right, speak right and belong to the right group, you'll be saved...The outside sparkles...but something's missing...Joy. What's there instead? Fear-that you won't do enough. Arrogance-that you've done enough. Failure-that you've made a mistake. Legalism is...slow suffocation of the spirit, amputation of one's dreams...enough religion to keep but not nourish you...Your diet is rules and standards. Legalism...doesn't need God...It's the search for innocence-not forgiveness...a systematic process of defending...explaining...exalting...justifying...It turns my opinion into your burden. There's only room for one opinion...and guess who's wrong? It turns my opinion into your boundary. Your opposing opinion makes me question not only your right to fellowship with me, but your salvation. It turns my opinion into your obligation.

Christians must toe the company line. Your job isn't to think, it's to march...Salvation is God's business. Grace is his idea, his work, and his expense. He offers it to whomever he desires, when he desires. Our job is to inform people, not screen them.' Paul writes, 'Do not set aside...grace...for if righteousness comes through the law...Christ died in vain.' Thank God 'he saved us because of his mercy...not...good deeds we did...' (Titus 3:5 NCV).

My favourite two fairies

2010-11-04T14:26:00.000Z

My two beautiful nieces had a fruitful Halloween on 31 Oct. My sister is so blessed to have these two lovely daughters.

Lost in Ireland

2010-11-02T16:06:00.000Z

Distance makes heart grows fonder.
http://travel.nytimes.com/2010/10/24/travel/24ireland.html?pagewanted=1&ref=travel

Lovely table and chairs

2010-10-27T13:30:00.000+01:00

I've been looking for a table and six chairs for my dinning area...

Nice bag (29)

2010-10-06T15:01:00.003+01:00

I can never watch enough of SC bag

A rare beauty

2010-10-06T14:56:00.000+01:00

Such a beauty like Xia Meng can no longer be found in China....

5+3=8

2010-10-05T15:20:00.000+01:00

Michelle was 5 on 22 Sept; Alison was 3 on 1 Oct. Happy Birthdays to my two lovely nieces.

10 foods that speed up weight loss…

2010-09-14T22:38:00.002+01:00

Losing weight is not just about reducing food intake and cutting things out of your diet, there are a few additions that you can make to your daily diet that can indeed help you lose weight. We've found 10 foods stuffs that incorporated with a healthy eating approach can help you shift those extra pounds and speed up weight loss.

Grapefruit
We've all heard of the grapefruit diet but you don't have to live on a diet of grapefruit alone to lose weight. It's been found that that eating half a grapefruit before each meal or drinking a serving of the juice three times a day can help you drop the pounds. The magic ingredient is the fruit's phytochemicals and their effect of reducing insulin levels which stimulates your body to convert calories into energy rather than storing as flabby fat.

Cinnamon
Cinnamon is a super spice when it comes to boosting your wellbeing as it has many health-giving properties. In terms of weight loss, it's all to do with controlling those post-meal insulin spikes, which is what make you feel hungry. And you don't need to get much of the stuff to get the benefits; studies have shown just a quarter teaspoon of cinnamon a day can lower the blood sugar, cholesterol, and triglyceride levels. To up your cinnamon intake either sprinkle it on to your breakfast cereal, or maybe mix it into your morning latte.

Chili peppers
Adding a bit of heat to your diet can give you a weight-loss boost. Studies show that having a spicy start to your morning, i.e. eating chilies as a part of your breakfast can make you opt for a smaller lunch. Apparently it's down to capsaicin which is found in chilies and red peppers that has appetite suppressing properties. Granted - chilies aren't the easiest of items to face as your morning meal but how about as a part of a spicy egg-white omelette or stirred into scrambled eggs for a spicy weight loss kick.

Fennel tea
Again fennel tea is a food stuff that boasts a list of health giving benefits; it's packed with good levels of potassium, magnesium and calcium as well as the vitamins B and C. But when it comes to the weight-loss stakes fennel had a double benefit: working both as an appetite suppressant and a metabolism booster which really are both useful if you're trying to lose weight. Fennel tea is widely available in supermarkets so add it to your daily diet to stave off cravings and boost your fuel burn.

Salad
Eating a low-calorie salad before your main meals can help you to lose weight and ensure you get recommended daily intake of veggies. And it's not rocket science as to how it works for weight loss, the key is the sheer volume of a salad, which makes you feel too full to pig out when it comes to your main meal. You need to make sure you don't drown it in a fatty dressing though - a little olive oil and balsamic vinegar makes the perfect healthy accompaniment to a fresh salad.

Green tea
Another powerful brew - green tea really has a multitude of health and wellbeing benefits. And if you are a keen into fitness it makes the perfect pre-workout drink; it's been found to increase endurance by as much as 24%, allowing you to exercise longer and burn more calories. But in terms boosting your weight loss power, a study carried out by the Journal of Nutrition, drinking five cups of green tea per day can help you lose twice as much weight, most of it where we want to lose it most - around the middle.

Celery
Celery rates well as a weight-loss food as you can actually end up burning more calories eating it than your body will take on consuming it. But by no means does that make celery low in nutritional value; it's super-packed with fibre (great for digestion) and foliate (the essential nutrient for the care and production of new cells within the body). Get your celery fix by making sure it's featured in your pre-meal salad, as an accompaniment to your lunch or as a healthy snack when you want to satisfy that 'munch' craving.

Lentils
Lentils are great weight-loss food as they have the power to really satisfy your hunger without packing your body with loads of calories and fat - that's often why lentils feature heavily as a meat substitute - they can make you feel like you've had a meaty dish minus the calories and saturated fat that come with eating meat. Again like celery, lentils are full of fibre and foliate so as well as giving you the full feeling, they are great for digestion and healthy cell growth.

Dark chocolate
Granted chocolate is not low in calories nor in fat, but dark chocolate has two major dietary positives that can lead to long term weight loss. First, it's quite difficult to scoff massive quantities of high-quality dark chocolate as compared to the milk stuff. Secondly, dark chocolate is very high in health-promoting antioxidants. In terms of a weapon in your weight-loss armoury you can use dark chocolate as a way to curb any sweet cravings, just a few small squares to quell a full on chocolate pig out is well worth the modest calorie intake.

Quinoa
Pronounced 'Keen-wah' quinoa is known as the 'mother grain' by the ancient Peruvians. Quinoa is good for weight loss as it has the power to keep you feeling fuller for longer due to its high protein content. Also the carbs that are present in the grain are released slowly into the body so you won't get that rush of energy after eating quinoa as you would with other foods like white rice or pasta. You can eat quinoa raw but we reckon it's best when it's cooked in a similar way to rice or couscous.

http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/food-drink/top-10-foods-that-can-help-you-lose-weight-blog-9-real-buzz.html

Sofia wins at Venice

2010-09-11T21:23:00.002+01:00

I got the keys

2010-09-10T21:51:00.000+01:00

Eventually I got the keys this afternoon. Start to tidy up and move to my very own house. Very tired but happy.

Nice bag (28)

2010-09-06T17:00:00.002+01:00

When she was one month old...

2010-09-06T16:57:00.001+01:00

My favouriate baby - my niece Michelle - When she was only one month old. Just dig out this picture by chance today. The picture itself has changed a bit?

The special function of Coca Cola

2010-09-06T16:54:00.001+01:00

Coca Cola (the real one) is not only great to drink, it also has many uses around the home. This list of uses was tested on ordinary, original Coca Cola, not the diet kind, or any of the variations there are available.
1. Cleaned a burned saucepan by pouring Coke into it and boiling. This takes out all the staining.
2. It’s easy to make a modern photograph look like an old sepia one. Just lightly brush the photograph with Coca Cola and dry quickly. Don’t wet it too much or it will buckle. Photocopied black and white pictures make great looking “antique” prints, if you treat them in the same way. Maps photocopied and treated this way, look fantastic in antique style frames.
3. If you dye your hair and the result is too intense, flat Coca Cola will help to lighten it.
4. Give old coins a soak in Coke. This gives a brilliant shine for collections and decorative items.
5. Pour Coca Cola into your kettle and leave all day. This will remove limescale and leaves it clean inside.
6. A can of Coke poured into the toilet will clean it. The acid in the drink gets to work right away.
7. Make an excellent barbecue sauce by mixing Coke and Ketchup , half and half. Coat chicken, meat, etc with this before cooking. It’s mouthwatering.
8. Flat Coke makes a good hair conditioner. Pour it over your hair, rinse and dry.
9. Put Coke into flat wide dishes in the garden and it will help to rid your plants of slugs. They are attracted by the sweet smell and once they fall in, they can’t get out.
10. Rusty bolts can be loosened by soaking a rag in Coca Cola, and wrapping it around the bolt. Leave for a few hours and it will be easier to move.

11. Clean your jewelery in a glass of Coke. Brush with a toothbrush and rinse well. (Not recommended for valuable items, or those with gem stones in them.)
12. Flat Coca Cola helps to settle upset stomachs. Don’t use fresh, fizzy Coke as this could irritate the condition. (Take the fizz out by adding a little sugar, if you need to.)

My elder niece's first day at school

2010-09-05T20:56:00.001+01:00

1 Sept 2010, Michelle's first day at school. Everybody think that Michelle doesn't look like my sister (in the first photo), but an image of her daddy.

Mind Your Mouth! (2)

2010-08-29T09:05:00.001+01:00

'Of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh...' Luke 6:45

Let's answer some communication questions:

1) What is good communication?
It's honest, positively intended, two-way sharing. It isn't 'dumping' or giving someone a piece of your mind! The first law of verbal ecology is: garbage is not biodegradable! It recycles, festering with time. 'The words of a talebearer are as wounds...they go down into the innermost parts of the belly' (Proverbs 18:8). Many a word accompanies the hearer to their grave.

2) What should we communicate? The truth. 'Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truthfully are His delight' (Proverbs 12:22 NKJV). But truth can be given like the blow of a sledgehammer or like a soothing hand of friendship. It should be communicated after advance thought for its impact. 'The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things' (Proverbs 15:28 NAS).

3) How much should we communicate? As much as God's Word, love and wisdom dictate. Children and distressed people frequently need only limited information. 'A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards' (Proverbs 29:11).

4) How should we communicate? 'How' can be as important as 'what,' so speak with consideration for the hearer's feelings. 'A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger' (Proverbs 15:1 NAS). The hearer's response is conditioned by your words.

5) Check your timing; it's vital! '...It is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time' (Proverbs 15:23 NLT). If you're not certain about your timing, wait and pray for wisdom!

http://www.ucb.co.uk/index.cfm?itemid=88&testdate=31 Jul 2010

Mind Your Mouth! (1)

2010-08-29T09:03:00.000+01:00

'Of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh...' Luke 6:45

'Oh, it was just a bunch of meaningless words. No big deal!' Wrong! Our words are a big deal and they do mean a lot! 'A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. '...For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks' (Luke 6:45 NKJV).

Your words have either negative or positive impact.

1) Consider some negatives. They can wound people to the core. 'There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword...' (Proverbs12:18 NAS). They can break down a person's spirit, stripping them of the courage for living. '...Perverseness in it [the tongue] breaks the spirit...' (Proverbs 15:4 NKJV). Carelessly spoken words between people can destroy relationships. 'The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbour...' (Proverbs 11:9 NKJV). Emotional, and possibly even physical death, can result from words. 'Death and life are in the power of the tongue...' (Proverbs 18:21 NKJV).

2) Consider some positives. Your words can spark life into a relationship. 'A soothing tongue is a tree of life...' (Proverbs 15:4 NAS). The right words can help heal wounded relationships. 'Pleasant words are...sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.' (Proverbs 16:24 NIV). Well-chosen words can help us to understand each other. '...Sweetness of the lips increases learning...' (Proverbs 16:21 NKJV). Words spoken at the right times can bring us closer together. 'The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl' (Proverbs 25:11 NCV).

What you say matters, so mind your mouth!

I've signed the contract

2010-08-25T22:19:00.002+01:00

This morning I signed the contract to buy a second hand 3-bed semi house near this castle over 300 hundred years old. May God bless me to pay off the mortgage within the years in my loan sanction.

I have always thought that a house in nice location is more reliable than a man:)

My two nieces

2010-08-25T22:17:00.000+01:00

Alison. Alison and Michelle.

冰老的简易早午餐

2010-08-21T16:25:00.000+01:00

La Dolce Vita of Bing Lao. She knows how to cook and how to dress. She's a beautiful young lady who is happily married.

煎大带子

2010-08-21T16:21:00.000+01:00

这种冷冻袋装的进口大带子白白胖胖的真招人喜欢，，是我的最爱之一，，做起来也简单，，带子自然解冻，我手边有白兰地就腌了几分钟，油热放锅里煎，撒海盐，翻面继续，最后我把那点白兰地都倒进锅里了，等酒滋啦啦蒸发了就好了。